


Her Ribbons and Her Bows (Have Fallen from Her Curls)

by maccabird_23



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-17
Updated: 2013-11-17
Packaged: 2018-01-01 20:18:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1048133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maccabird_23/pseuds/maccabird_23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Then everyone would know. His dad would be angry for having a freak for a son, Pat Verbeek wouldn't want a weirdo to be around his own son and no team would let him play because they would know the truth; that he wasn't actually a boy. That he was a girl and with that thought he started breathing again. They would all know and he wouldn't have to hide who he was from anyone.</p><p>Now Beta-edited</p>
            </blockquote>





	Her Ribbons and Her Bows (Have Fallen from Her Curls)

 

 

Sometimes Patrick thinks that the best thing Sharpy ever did was have daughters. More than once he would see him distracted in the locker room with a big smile on his face. Pat would peak over his shoulder to see a gaudy, pink and purple poof of child's clothing on his phone screen.

 

“Why do you torture Maddy with that stuff?” He'd take the phone from his hands - doing a quick search as Sharp fought for it back. “This is what she's gonna wear as a teenager just to rebel against you.” Patrick got his jollies from watching Sharp wince at the black on black goth wear. He could tell that even the idea of his beautiful little girl wearing anything but ballerina costumes brought him more pain than a shot to the groin.

 

“You might be planning on dressing all your daughters in Hawks jerseys and khakis but some of us want our children to have some style,” Sharpy teased before pressing a few more buttons and putting his phone in his locker. “Maddy gets such an awestruck look in her eyes when I buy her something glittery and pretty. I couldn't bear not getting it for her.”

 

Kaner frowned at that thought. His father was the same way. When he was younger - anytime his sisters would go to an away game and cheer Patrick on, he would always get them a dumb, plastic Barbie bracelet or a sequenced hairband. But he was always fair. When Patrick would be nice to his sisters and play soccer with them, he would buy him a dinosaur wristwatch or a baseball cap.

 

Then sometimes Patrick would look at his sisters brushing each other’s hair to fit a new barrette and would want to ask for a trade. Maybe for an hour or longer they could play with the cool gadgets on his watch and he could wear their pretty barrettes. Not that it would have stayed on.

 

His hair had always been sheared short in a buzz cut as a child. His father was trying to make their mom’s job easier with only having to brush and wash three heads instead of four and it had stayed short until he left to play hockey in Detroit.

 

Patrick really hadn't known he had curly hair until he was fourteen and was able to run his hands through soft waves instead of bristles. It was around the same time that he started noticing other things about himself. None of his clothes seemed to fit or look right against his body and at first he had put it down to growing but it wasn't that the clothes were too small or big. His jeans had always fit a little loosely below his waist and his shirts hung from his shoulders - flowing down just below his hips. Every indication told him that they fit just right for a male body and that's when he stopped looking at the clothes and started looking at his body.

 

If he was telling the truth - he began to notice that there was something off about his body much younger. While bathing or changing with his sisters he noticed the round skin between their legs while he had an extra, dangling limb. He had never thought that they were missing anything but that he was growing something extra and unneeded.

 

His mother had used a cream for her legs and face when he was young. When he asked why she spread thick layers of it on her body - she explained that girls wanted to get rid of extra hair that didn’t belong there. Patrick's young brain was hopeful that it would get rid of anything on your body that didn’t belong there. So when both his parents were asleep he stole it. In his bedroom he took off his clothes and spread it between his legs. He kept it there for half an hour without anything changing but then ran back to his parent’s room when it started burning badly.

 

His father had yelled – rushing him to the bathroom to wash away the stinging cream with milk. It took weeks for the burns on his dangling, deformed limb to heal. But it was still there and it made him cry that it hadn’t all burnt away. Patrick wasn't allowed to touch his penis until it was fully healed but even after - he mostly ignored the strange flesh between his legs. His mother started waxing instead.  

By the time he was fourteen his extra fat – round and soft had melted away. Forming into hard juts of skin and bone. His chest was pigeon flat – nipples tiny and prickled. His hip and waist blended into one long line of hard flesh. The more hockey he played, the more built his muscles became and all the lumps or bumps that developed were hard instead of soft. He dealt with each agonizing change with the echoing mantra that it was all for hockey. They were proof - just like every scrape or bruise, that he was becoming a better player.

 

The only clothes that ever felt like they fit just perfectly were his hockey gear. They protected and cocooned him. When everything else felt off - wearing his jersey and playing hockey felt just right.

 

The only part of his body he was happy with was his hair. As it grew longer, curling around his ears and neck - he became excited. He'd look at his face in the mirror for twenty minutes at a time before he had to go to school. The blond curls curved around his face, making everything softer and prettier. He would bite and lick his lips until they were unnaturally shiny and red. He would do that at intervals during the day, hoping they looked as pink and glossy as his sisters' lipstick.

 

Maybe it was his hair that made him bold because during the winter break - when he came back home for the holidays, he let his curls grow longer. And then one day he was in a store and found himself reaching for a hairband without thinking. It had been blue and gold with the Buffalo’s Sabre mascot sewn onto the side. It had only a little bit of sequence on it and was soft but lacy.   

 

He had been nervous his dad might see him fingering the small beads that made up the eye and horns. So he quickly put it in his pocket. But he hadn't been careful and as he was walking out a burly security guard stopped him and took him to a room in the back. They sat him down and made him wait. He broke out into a sweat and gasped for air that he couldn't catch. He knew they were looking for his father or calling the police.

 

Then everyone would know. His dad would be angry for having a freak for a son, Pat Verbeek wouldn't want a weirdo to be around his own son and no team would let him play because they would know the truth. That he wasn't actually a boy. That he was a girl and with that thought he started breathing again. They would all know and he wouldn't have to hide who he was from anyone. 

 

That's when his dad came in with the same security guard and they were both laughing. His dad - with a big grin on his face had come around the table and gave Pat a soft punch onto the shoulder. “Buzz, get up and thank this man for letting you off easy.”

Patrick hadn't understood but he got up on command and thanked the security guard. The man patted him on the back. “I get it son. I have an older sister and God knows its expensive buying gifts for her around the holidays. I couldn't imagine if I had to buy for three at your age.” The man had let out a hearty laugh before escorting them out of the store. His dad had been holding a bag the entire time and inside Pat could see that he had bought that pretty hairband.

 

Pat didn't see that hairband again until Christmas day - when Erica opened it.

“It’s from your big brother, kid,” their dad said. “Go give him a hug 'cause Christ knows it wasn't cheap.”

Erica toppled her little form on top of his and had peppered his cheeks with kisses. His father winked at him from just behind her shoulder. She put it on soon after and had worn it all day.

 

It took a while but Pat had found the exact same hairband when shopping for a gift after Sharp and Abby had welcomed Sadie into the world. They threw a party and all of the team had been invited. The mistake had been waiting until everyone was well plastered before opening gifts.

 

As expected - there were tons of Hawks baby clothes from Shaw, Crow, Bollig and the Swedes. Hossa and Handzus both got them actual baby hardware - bottle sets, diaper disposals and cloth warmers. Duncs and Seabs seemed to have coordinated their gifts because Keith got her an album of jungle sounds and Seabrook got her an album of farmyard sounds. They put it on - explaining it would be soothing but then started to dance, which made Kane a bit queasy. Bickell had got Sadie stuffed toys - all of which seemed to be different puppy dogs. He was drunk enough to go up to the cradle and wave a tiny bulldog at Sadie's face while making barking sounds. All the raucous had caused her to cry uncontrollably. So Abby took her upstairs to put her to bed. 

 

Out of all of them Toews looked the most apologetic, even though he was the only one who was sober. He then handed Sharp a simple, gift wrapped package. He opened it to reveal a tiny red and blue watch and when Pat looked closer he noticed there was a small jet inlaid on the face.

Sharp raised one eyebrow and Jonny started to blush before stuttering out, “I know your dad got you one like that when you were young and you always said you loved it. I just thought maybe Sadie would like it. It’s not girly or anything but—”

And that’s when Patrick broke out laughing. He wasn't sure why but he thought if he didn't laugh he might cry. So he wiped his eyes before handing his gift over to Sharp. 

 

“I swear. We didn't pick these things out together.” Patrick watched intently as Sharp opened the gift. He thought that the last four beers might have been catching up to him because he found himself leaning more and more on Jonny, who seemed to agree and slung an arm around Kane's shoulder to keep him balanced.

 

Sharpy let out a laugh as he held the cotton and lace Sabres hairband in his hand. “So my daughter’s gonna wear a Hawks' jersey, Jets' watch and Sabres' hairband. So she can understand what winning and losing feels like?”

 

Patrick could see Jonny roll his eyes as he just nodded his head vigorously, feeling lightheaded. “Just remember that when she gets older and if her eyes light up when she wears the watch, then buy her a million more. And if her eyes light up when she wears the hairband, then buy her a million more. Never let her think she wants something she shouldn't want.”

 

Patrick thought that he was probably slurring most of his words but Sharpy seemed to understand because he patted his cheek and whispered, “Always.”

Everything seemed to get blurry after that and the next thing he remembered was being hauled into Toews' car.

 

He remembered leaning against his seat belt as Jonny drove, feeling the bristle of his five o’clock shadow scratching his cheek. It felt nice, much more erotic than the hair that grew on his face - that he could never get rid of fast enough. “I'm not a boy. I thought the hairband would help but I never got to wear it. My sister only wore it once but I was too afraid to steal it again.” Patrick knew that talking about it just made him more upset. So he decided that kissing Jonny would help.

 

Except Jonny wasn't at all agreeable to kissing him back while he was driving but he kept his hand at the back of Patrick's neck, rubbing softly and that felt nice. “When you’re sober we're gonna have a lot to talk about. Get some sleep.” And as if waiting for the command - Patrick dozed off into oblivion. 


End file.
